Hey Gang, happy happy Friday. For a four day week it sure felt like seven! Wow... Can't wait for the weekend. My scale is cooperating right in line with the way I'm treating myself. Treating myself as in something little here something little there... I have gotten exactly what I deserve. I can't figure out if I want to use the excuse that I'm so close to surgery it's my last hurrah, or it took almost a month for the surgeon's office to call me back feel sorry for myself eat in May month, or I'm just in a funk and not putting me first. Either way, poor attention to myself leads to poor results. No way around it. If I were to venture the scale would read 385... it was 383 two days ago. Then Ben and Jerry stopped by and brought Everything but the ...
Anyways, lets not talk about what happened let's talk about how we're going to fix it. This is a good place for stop start continue. What am I going to stop doing? What am I going to start doing? and What am I going to continue doing? Do you know what you need to do to start, stop and continue?
Be kind to your neighbors...
Over to the right you'll see a list of blogs I try to read as soon as they're updated. At one point or another, or on a daily, weekly or monthly occasion, these people impacted me in one way or another. I couldn't /wouldn't tell you my favorite if you asked me because each one I hold in a special place in my heart. Their words have provided a door into their lives that they chose to share with me and you. I have to admit I even got my nose a little bent out of shape when one writer wrote about a humiliating experience which catapulted into several great experiences but then their blog had to endure hateful comments from passer-bys and even then some from people I consider in our weight loss community. This saddened me. The one initially affected handled it with much more grace than I ever could have but let me tell you did I want to put my nose right in the middle of it and tell some people off! I decided if I did that, I'd be defeating my purpose which was to remind people to just be kind to each other and treat others how we want to be treated.
In your dreams....
I dream about bloggers. Like I know them. (Maybe someday...) We dine together, we exercise together it's crazy. The first time I dreamt I was out to dinner with Sean having deep fried green beans. The second one, a group of us were at Tony's restaurant and we were doing exercises throughout the restaurant kind of like a Richard Simmons episode with Tony as our leader while other people were dining! And the third one, Jen and I took our dogs to the dog park. I have never had the pleasure of meeting these people, yet their words have impacted me enough to lie in my subconscious. All three equally deserving of title Inspiring. Thank you.
Take care my friends... My follow up appointment with surgeon is on Friday June 10. Hopefully I will know more then.
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Showing posts with label Blame. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blame. Show all posts
June 3, 2011
May 11, 2011
A Podiatrist, A Therapist and a Broken Laptop Walk Into A Bar...
It has been forever since I've been able to sit down and post. Between work and the laptop at home taking a nose-dive... but all is well and good. The pretty new laptop is smiling at her new home. More importantly, what about me? LOL :) I've had a lot going on and need to catch my friends up!
First, the scale read 379.8 today. I like it when that number keeps going down down down but more on this later.
Second, I have had two appointments with my podiatrist. I was diagnosed with Acute Achilles Tendinitis in both feet/heels. That explains the broomsticks feeling I was experiencing. We're treating it with inserts in my shoes and stretching exercises. After the last few weeks, I am seeing improvement.
The dietitian... I had to cancel this appointment because my insurance has changed recently and I actually need to consult with the bariatric surgeons office before I move forward. There is a possibility that my insurance now covers the sleeve and a possibility that due to my BMI, the 6 months may not be a requirement.
The Therapist. Wow. I haven't had any formal counseling in the last 15 or so years and forgot what it was like. The very first thing I noticed was how relaxing the atmosphere was designed. Dainty tea settings, the wicker furniture and fountains... This really put me at ease waiting for her to call me in.
When she called me in, I immediately noticed her office was much the same way only even more welcoming than the waiting area. I giggled when I saw the bag of chocolate covered raisins next to her chair. I am not sure why but I found it amusing that they were in the room where we were about to discuss my weight loss surgery. Being the analytical Annie that I am, I kept wondering why they were there. I almost made a game out of it when she stepped out of the office to call my surgeon. These are the reasons I came up with:
1. "I'll keep these chocolate raisins here and see how many patients ask for some." I wouldn't even think of asking for some and if she offers... absolutely not.
2. On my white legal pad, I will tick how many times the patient looked at the bag of chocolate covered raisins. Of course, I made a mental note not to look at them.
3. Maybe she left the room to actually see if I would take them. OMG. actually steal them? Yea I haven't done that since I stole a Reese Peanut Butter cup from a car at a family Christmas celebration. ... This is where I quit obsessing over the bag of raisins sitting next to her.
I didn't see her the full hour due to the changes in my insurance but I did get a lot from the time I did spend with her. First, she demanded that I immediately stop blaming myself and others for the reason I'm fat. She was very matter-of-fact about it. It's called genetics. When I see someone of your size - there is always a genetic factor going on. The truth is you can lose weight on your own but you'll always struggle just because of that genetic reason. WLS is a physical tool to help you get past that. And that is how she wrecked my plans to post about how I remember at my high school graduation I weighed 208 pounds but have to look back in my records to know what my GPA was. The whole I let the number on the scale define my self-worth, success, failures, etc etc etc. Some of you know what I'm talking about... Anyway, that post is still coming but with a different twist. Do I believe her entirely? To a degree. I believe that WLS is a tool and when used properly can give you results in weight reduction. Do I think there are not mental barriers in being successful. Of course not. Do I create most of them on my own. I believe I do. I also believe that the relationship I have with food was passed on generation by generation. in my family. My mother would harp and harp on my to lose weight but never once took the time to teach me how. No one ever said "drink your milk to me because no one in my house liked it either. Eating healthful was defined if you ate a school salad drenched in Ranch Dressing or the pizza that was being served. (10-1 the pizza had less calorie and fat content) Is that blame? Ok. But it's true. Am I or someone responsible every single time I'm hungry or abuse food? Absolutely not. I refuse to believe that physical and mental don't go hand in hand. Fat Genes? Sure. Mind Games? Absolutely. This is her point though. Stop the blame and accept your situation. Quit analyzing why and use the tools to change. There are so many times I've posted an "aha moment" on here only to have it screw with my mind so much bringing up memories that were painful and sending me straight to the fridge. That's my mind allowing me to act on those feelings. You'll see it all over the blog world ... someone on top of the world going straight for the bullseye and *blip* gone. Fortunately some return with an I fell off the wagon post.... quit blaming you, your past, etc. Live today. Work today. Learn today. But most of all Love yourself today for who you are. Take Care.
First, the scale read 379.8 today. I like it when that number keeps going down down down but more on this later.
Second, I have had two appointments with my podiatrist. I was diagnosed with Acute Achilles Tendinitis in both feet/heels. That explains the broomsticks feeling I was experiencing. We're treating it with inserts in my shoes and stretching exercises. After the last few weeks, I am seeing improvement.
The dietitian... I had to cancel this appointment because my insurance has changed recently and I actually need to consult with the bariatric surgeons office before I move forward. There is a possibility that my insurance now covers the sleeve and a possibility that due to my BMI, the 6 months may not be a requirement.
The Therapist. Wow. I haven't had any formal counseling in the last 15 or so years and forgot what it was like. The very first thing I noticed was how relaxing the atmosphere was designed. Dainty tea settings, the wicker furniture and fountains... This really put me at ease waiting for her to call me in.
When she called me in, I immediately noticed her office was much the same way only even more welcoming than the waiting area. I giggled when I saw the bag of chocolate covered raisins next to her chair. I am not sure why but I found it amusing that they were in the room where we were about to discuss my weight loss surgery. Being the analytical Annie that I am, I kept wondering why they were there. I almost made a game out of it when she stepped out of the office to call my surgeon. These are the reasons I came up with:
1. "I'll keep these chocolate raisins here and see how many patients ask for some." I wouldn't even think of asking for some and if she offers... absolutely not.
2. On my white legal pad, I will tick how many times the patient looked at the bag of chocolate covered raisins. Of course, I made a mental note not to look at them.
3. Maybe she left the room to actually see if I would take them. OMG. actually steal them? Yea I haven't done that since I stole a Reese Peanut Butter cup from a car at a family Christmas celebration. ... This is where I quit obsessing over the bag of raisins sitting next to her.
I didn't see her the full hour due to the changes in my insurance but I did get a lot from the time I did spend with her. First, she demanded that I immediately stop blaming myself and others for the reason I'm fat. She was very matter-of-fact about it. It's called genetics. When I see someone of your size - there is always a genetic factor going on. The truth is you can lose weight on your own but you'll always struggle just because of that genetic reason. WLS is a physical tool to help you get past that. And that is how she wrecked my plans to post about how I remember at my high school graduation I weighed 208 pounds but have to look back in my records to know what my GPA was. The whole I let the number on the scale define my self-worth, success, failures, etc etc etc. Some of you know what I'm talking about... Anyway, that post is still coming but with a different twist. Do I believe her entirely? To a degree. I believe that WLS is a tool and when used properly can give you results in weight reduction. Do I think there are not mental barriers in being successful. Of course not. Do I create most of them on my own. I believe I do. I also believe that the relationship I have with food was passed on generation by generation. in my family. My mother would harp and harp on my to lose weight but never once took the time to teach me how. No one ever said "drink your milk to me because no one in my house liked it either. Eating healthful was defined if you ate a school salad drenched in Ranch Dressing or the pizza that was being served. (10-1 the pizza had less calorie and fat content) Is that blame? Ok. But it's true. Am I or someone responsible every single time I'm hungry or abuse food? Absolutely not. I refuse to believe that physical and mental don't go hand in hand. Fat Genes? Sure. Mind Games? Absolutely. This is her point though. Stop the blame and accept your situation. Quit analyzing why and use the tools to change. There are so many times I've posted an "aha moment" on here only to have it screw with my mind so much bringing up memories that were painful and sending me straight to the fridge. That's my mind allowing me to act on those feelings. You'll see it all over the blog world ... someone on top of the world going straight for the bullseye and *blip* gone. Fortunately some return with an I fell off the wagon post.... quit blaming you, your past, etc. Live today. Work today. Learn today. But most of all Love yourself today for who you are. Take Care.
April 4, 2011
The Weakend
I am in a bit of a struggle. Something is eating me and I can't quite pin point what it is. Or maybe I just got lazy and thought I could sneak a calorie 1 or 100 in here and there. You can't.
One thing I noticed though; I don't like to admit failure and I quit posting; at least until I have something good to say Nothing is more annoying than a weight loss blog that is always - "look at me! Look how easy this is". Frankly, weight loss is not frigging easy and anybody that tells you differently is full of crapola. I have been allowing myself to cave to my cravings regardless of where my calories are for the day - I'm still logging them but OMG this has to stop. I weighed in at 395.6 today.
Last week a co-worker stopped by my office to tell me she was at exactly a 100 pound loss from her WLS in November. I am so happy for her!. She threw me into a tailspin though. She was openly talking about how she used to eat 8 Reese's eggs but now only eats 1 and she's satisfied, then she told me how she would eat a whole box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting but now only eats one row of the cookies (about 6 i think). Other people could hear us talking. She was embarrassing me. The whole time I was thinking please shut up. Please don't talk like I know or can relate to eating 8 Reese's eggs. I don't want these people to know I do these things too. SHUT UP NOW. I could literally feel my body sinking trying to crawl under my desk and at the same time I saw how mentally healthy she is in her journey. Not only has she cut back on her binge foods - she can admit them openly. Fearlessly. I can't even write them on my blog....
Sure, I can say I had way too much chocolate this weekend and you wouldn't know if that meant 3 Hershey kisses or 100. I still can't do it. I can't type it out.
Just reliving that moment with her brought up so much guilt, shame and ridicule in me. Writing this out has taken a long time today because as I write, I reflect on why I have those feelings... I was raised in a house of secrets of having an alcoholic father who was abusive. It was only recently I discovered my own aunt didn't know my father was abusive until I told her in passing about a fight I remembered. I remember how bad I felt for my mother. Realizing she has hid these secrets for so many years and had no one to share with or reach out for help because of shame or fear that she shows any weakness makes me hurt for her. My heart aches that she endured that alone. That's what I'm afraid of. Showing others my weakness. That's why I'm here. To remember I'm not alone.
One thing I noticed though; I don't like to admit failure and I quit posting; at least until I have something good to say Nothing is more annoying than a weight loss blog that is always - "look at me! Look how easy this is". Frankly, weight loss is not frigging easy and anybody that tells you differently is full of crapola. I have been allowing myself to cave to my cravings regardless of where my calories are for the day - I'm still logging them but OMG this has to stop. I weighed in at 395.6 today.
Last week a co-worker stopped by my office to tell me she was at exactly a 100 pound loss from her WLS in November. I am so happy for her!. She threw me into a tailspin though. She was openly talking about how she used to eat 8 Reese's eggs but now only eats 1 and she's satisfied, then she told me how she would eat a whole box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting but now only eats one row of the cookies (about 6 i think). Other people could hear us talking. She was embarrassing me. The whole time I was thinking please shut up. Please don't talk like I know or can relate to eating 8 Reese's eggs. I don't want these people to know I do these things too. SHUT UP NOW. I could literally feel my body sinking trying to crawl under my desk and at the same time I saw how mentally healthy she is in her journey. Not only has she cut back on her binge foods - she can admit them openly. Fearlessly. I can't even write them on my blog....
Sure, I can say I had way too much chocolate this weekend and you wouldn't know if that meant 3 Hershey kisses or 100. I still can't do it. I can't type it out.
Just reliving that moment with her brought up so much guilt, shame and ridicule in me. Writing this out has taken a long time today because as I write, I reflect on why I have those feelings... I was raised in a house of secrets of having an alcoholic father who was abusive. It was only recently I discovered my own aunt didn't know my father was abusive until I told her in passing about a fight I remembered. I remember how bad I felt for my mother. Realizing she has hid these secrets for so many years and had no one to share with or reach out for help because of shame or fear that she shows any weakness makes me hurt for her. My heart aches that she endured that alone. That's what I'm afraid of. Showing others my weakness. That's why I'm here. To remember I'm not alone.
May 25, 2010
Don't Judge a Post By The Title...
The scales and I have not spoke since Friday. I wanted to visit with her this morning but I was running late. It's rather ironic that I would turn to her to assess my damage. I don't trust the bitch when I do good. Why would I trust her when I waiver a bit? I need to own my journey. I need to speak up and quit allowing others to help guide my journey. There is not one food that passes a person's lips that taste as good as success does. At times, I feel like I'm stuck with no voice. No ability to say "No" I won't eat that. Sometimes I feel like I have the winning numbers to a Million Dollar jackpot, when it comes to losing this weight, but feel I don't deserve to win so I sabotage it. I burn the ticket.
Friends, those statements are about value. They're about how much you value yourself to keep going forward in your journey. Time and time again you read that it doesn't stop when you hit the magic number on the scale. It doesn't stop when you naturally drink tons and tons of water a day. It doesn't stop when you work out 3-5 times a week. It's all of these things combined and more that create your healthy lifestyle. You can't expect to hit home runs if your feet never touch second and/or third base. You don't have to do it all at once but start out slow. Right now, I'm focusing on taking all of the value I put in food and putting more value in me. I need a clear head to move forward. I must be getting better because my mind says pretty nice things to me lately. It's also reminding me that I need to put exercise into this journey... rather taunting me right now, however my mind has started to revel on how fast my body will adapt to exercise and become stronger as each day goes by. It's all of those little things I can't do now that exercise will cause me to start doing again. Watching it happen will be the measuring tool. I have just little over a year to reach the goal of going to Memorial Day 2011. That's a mere 365 days. I will not be sitting here posting a year from now at 400 pounds. It's not going to happen. I refuse to let it happen because I do own my journey. Are you owning yours?
Friends, those statements are about value. They're about how much you value yourself to keep going forward in your journey. Time and time again you read that it doesn't stop when you hit the magic number on the scale. It doesn't stop when you naturally drink tons and tons of water a day. It doesn't stop when you work out 3-5 times a week. It's all of these things combined and more that create your healthy lifestyle. You can't expect to hit home runs if your feet never touch second and/or third base. You don't have to do it all at once but start out slow. Right now, I'm focusing on taking all of the value I put in food and putting more value in me. I need a clear head to move forward. I must be getting better because my mind says pretty nice things to me lately. It's also reminding me that I need to put exercise into this journey... rather taunting me right now, however my mind has started to revel on how fast my body will adapt to exercise and become stronger as each day goes by. It's all of those little things I can't do now that exercise will cause me to start doing again. Watching it happen will be the measuring tool. I have just little over a year to reach the goal of going to Memorial Day 2011. That's a mere 365 days. I will not be sitting here posting a year from now at 400 pounds. It's not going to happen. I refuse to let it happen because I do own my journey. Are you owning yours?
May 11, 2010
What Do You Believe and Who Told You To?
I had a very successful day yesterday. I stayed within my calorie range, felt revived and ready to hit this thing full force. I was reading an article about stopping negative thinking - the author was discussing that there are dozens of deep psychological reasons why individuals get caught up in negativity and reminds us that we don't have to know WHY we do it but to just STOP doing it. I've added a new page that is called Feed Your Head. I'll be adding articles that I run across that are helpful to me in this journey. Maybe you'll run into something there that can help you. After all we're all in this together. So many of you have reached out and offered your support. Tricia wrote about blogs she likes to read and included mine in her post and my followers tripled. It is really cool to get followers and I love comments so don't hesitate to give me a shout out. Additionally, I found some more really cool blogs to read and I added them to the list.
Another thing that happened yesterday was I ran into Jack's post which led me to this guy named Sam. Before I talk more about Sam, a co-worker brought me a picture of me from when I was 14 or 15 years old (we used to hang out in school) I looked at me and really liked me. My face was thin, I could see me cheek bones and I had the most obnoxious wide-ass smile I could imagine. I showed some of the other girls I work with and one said something that punched me right in the gut. "You don't smile like that anymore." Yep, I don't. Sure, I can cut up with anyone and poke a joke to get a laugh, but it's not the same ...Hell, I even noticed my face getting smaller in the mirror because my frown lines were more prominent. But back to Sam, he declared that he had an epiphany and would share with his readers tomorrow and by golly he did. And he couldn't be more spot on when he says that he values himself based on his weight. I read that and was just in awe that Yes. I do that too. I'm not trying to steal any lime light away from Sam at all but I do recognize that he may have shed some light on my own thoughts and I'm going to be exploring those - I wrote the other day about getting a letter from my mom and how there had been some resolve between us. She wrote about how proud of me she was and this meant a lot to me - it always has as she's never been one to recognize anything about me rather than my weight and how fat I am and how much I've lost and if I'm really trying to lose weight. We've even had arguments about whether a banana should ever be eaten because don't you know? They are one of the worst fruits ever to eat? ... blah blah blah. I learned to place value on myself based on how much I weighed from the way my mother placed value on me. Today and from now on, I will teach myself to reverse those lessons. I am valuable because I am a loving wife and step mother, a provider, educated person with a Master's degree, a teacher, cancer survivor, caring, funny, loving, dedicated, insightful, analytical, honest, accomplished, dedicated, committed, self-improved woman that is worth every step in this journey.
I definitely ran into something that helped me. Thank you, Sam.
Another thing that happened yesterday was I ran into Jack's post which led me to this guy named Sam. Before I talk more about Sam, a co-worker brought me a picture of me from when I was 14 or 15 years old (we used to hang out in school) I looked at me and really liked me. My face was thin, I could see me cheek bones and I had the most obnoxious wide-ass smile I could imagine. I showed some of the other girls I work with and one said something that punched me right in the gut. "You don't smile like that anymore." Yep, I don't. Sure, I can cut up with anyone and poke a joke to get a laugh, but it's not the same ...Hell, I even noticed my face getting smaller in the mirror because my frown lines were more prominent. But back to Sam, he declared that he had an epiphany and would share with his readers tomorrow and by golly he did. And he couldn't be more spot on when he says that he values himself based on his weight. I read that and was just in awe that Yes. I do that too. I'm not trying to steal any lime light away from Sam at all but I do recognize that he may have shed some light on my own thoughts and I'm going to be exploring those - I wrote the other day about getting a letter from my mom and how there had been some resolve between us. She wrote about how proud of me she was and this meant a lot to me - it always has as she's never been one to recognize anything about me rather than my weight and how fat I am and how much I've lost and if I'm really trying to lose weight. We've even had arguments about whether a banana should ever be eaten because don't you know? They are one of the worst fruits ever to eat? ... blah blah blah. I learned to place value on myself based on how much I weighed from the way my mother placed value on me. Today and from now on, I will teach myself to reverse those lessons. I am valuable because I am a loving wife and step mother, a provider, educated person with a Master's degree, a teacher, cancer survivor, caring, funny, loving, dedicated, insightful, analytical, honest, accomplished, dedicated, committed, self-improved woman that is worth every step in this journey.
I definitely ran into something that helped me. Thank you, Sam.
May 10, 2010
Feed Your Head - Mental Health Will Drive You Mad!
In order to do this, I'm going to start doing the Mind Over Body 10 Step Plan over at Spark People. You can see the full series here. In summary, the plan looks like this:
May 5, 2010
I'm No Daisy
Last night was the end of semester for the class I teach. My student kept her word and brought me the resistance bands and Isometric exercises. The guy who's a trainer in my class looked at them and gve me his nod of approval. She even did up a schedule for me to follow to keep focused. Additionally, she wants me to keep her updated with anything I need from new bands to more workouts to even writing my schedule. My eyes were pretty teary when I thanked her. I first sought out teaching for a community college when I myself had went back to school for my Masters. I was doing a module on values and examining who I was when I realized that the happiest times in my life were when I was training for the bank I worked with. I knew I had to get back into the classroom and realize my passion. I didn't want it to be my full time "job" I just wanted it to feed my passion. That was four or so years ago. I still have that passion for empowering people and watching them grow ... and this semester I was surrounded by angels that reached out to help me grow (no pun intended) in this journey.
I'm doing a lot of soul searching this week, I'm paying attention to my thoughts and self-talk and I'm making corrections where I sense any negativity. I am spending a lot of time forgiving myself and searching my soul for the reasons I need to lose this weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not getting off this flight, I am just concentrating on the future instead of the past. A few weeks ago, my mother and I had an argument over my WLS and why I wasn't trudging full balls ahead to have it done. I tried to share my fears, my reasons etc with her and it only produced an argument that was similar to the one I had last year with her. Fortunately, this time it just ended with both of us crying and agreeing to disagree. And then Monday, I received a letter in the mail from her. In that letter, my mother had a purpose and message for me and it's one I have never expereienced coming from her. I could tell by her words that she had done a lot soul searching.
She finally understands and honors my feelings. She has quit using my weight to judge me as a person. She accepts me for who I am and has quit blaming me for things that have happened in her past. She has quit blaming herself for my weight problems. She has quit defining my success by the number on my scale. She said, and I quote, " i have lived in my own selfish world for too long". She acknowledged my achievements and how proud she is of me and she loves me. Obviously, from what little I've wrote there is a long history here of bitterness, resentment, pain, emotions etc. but today I feel free. I feel free to feel and to be me. I feel like I can quit judging myself and holding myself to my mother's standards instead of my own. It's a very strange feeling that seems very unusual and surreal and all at the same time. I don't want the WLS because I have fought this battle my entire life and I refuse to let it win by having surgery to fight it off. I am strong enough to do this on my own without making major sacrifices and taking serious chances. Some may think not taking the option or letting it be my tool to help is like me taking taking a plastic knife to a gun fight. I don't care. It's my decision.
It's a beautiful day here today. Take care of you.
Extra cool points if you can name the movie my title was inspired by.
I'm doing a lot of soul searching this week, I'm paying attention to my thoughts and self-talk and I'm making corrections where I sense any negativity. I am spending a lot of time forgiving myself and searching my soul for the reasons I need to lose this weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not getting off this flight, I am just concentrating on the future instead of the past. A few weeks ago, my mother and I had an argument over my WLS and why I wasn't trudging full balls ahead to have it done. I tried to share my fears, my reasons etc with her and it only produced an argument that was similar to the one I had last year with her. Fortunately, this time it just ended with both of us crying and agreeing to disagree. And then Monday, I received a letter in the mail from her. In that letter, my mother had a purpose and message for me and it's one I have never expereienced coming from her. I could tell by her words that she had done a lot soul searching.
She finally understands and honors my feelings. She has quit using my weight to judge me as a person. She accepts me for who I am and has quit blaming me for things that have happened in her past. She has quit blaming herself for my weight problems. She has quit defining my success by the number on my scale. She said, and I quote, " i have lived in my own selfish world for too long". She acknowledged my achievements and how proud she is of me and she loves me. Obviously, from what little I've wrote there is a long history here of bitterness, resentment, pain, emotions etc. but today I feel free. I feel free to feel and to be me. I feel like I can quit judging myself and holding myself to my mother's standards instead of my own. It's a very strange feeling that seems very unusual and surreal and all at the same time. I don't want the WLS because I have fought this battle my entire life and I refuse to let it win by having surgery to fight it off. I am strong enough to do this on my own without making major sacrifices and taking serious chances. Some may think not taking the option or letting it be my tool to help is like me taking taking a plastic knife to a gun fight. I don't care. It's my decision.
It's a beautiful day here today. Take care of you.
Extra cool points if you can name the movie my title was inspired by.
April 19, 2010
Detour Ends
I encountered a bit of a detour on Friday betwwn 5p.m.and 5:30 p.m. Hubby picked me up from work but not before I'd sealed my fate that we would be getting take-out and having our traditional Friday Night Date night at home. I had looked at the nutritional values, sealed my decision and met him about 5:08 in the parking lot. We went and picked up dinner, picked up beverages. and got into our comfy clothes and dove into dinner. WTF. I didn't order one thing I intended to eat for dinner. I had completely went on detour and in the back of my mind was blaming my hubby for my decisions. I saw it like a premonition, I acted on it, and I am at fault. I continued to do the same thing all weekend. I had excuse after excuse for eating junk. It was ridiculous really but a few good lessons learned.
Lesson #1:
After weeks of feeling good, I felt like crap all weekend.- I was sluggish, my tummy hurt all day yesterday and I only wanted to sleep. Little things irritated me and I had absolutely no patience for anything all weekend.
Lesson #2:
Not one damned thing tasted better than the fresh fruits and veggies I've been eating. I spent the entire weekend chasing bad choice after bad choice only to never feel satisfied.
Lesson #3:
No matter how much prodding anyone including hubby does, I ultimately responsible for the food I put into my mouth. (I blamed him again. Did you just see that? Uggh.) He never prodded me once to make bad decisions and choices. I made them all on my own. In fact, he stuck to his calorie budget more times than I did this weekend.
Lesson #4: This isn't a one way street without bumps or turns or road blocks. However, I am in control of how I maneuver me.
I have Thursday through Sunday off to spend with my family this weekend. I promise myself I will stay within my calorie range. I can do this no matter what gets thrown at me. Take care of you.
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