It has been forever since I've been able to sit down and post. Between work and the laptop at home taking a nose-dive... but all is well and good. The pretty new laptop is smiling at her new home. More importantly, what about me? LOL :) I've had a lot going on and need to catch my friends up!
First, the scale read 379.8 today. I like it when that number keeps going down down down but more on this later.
Second, I have had two appointments with my podiatrist. I was diagnosed with Acute Achilles Tendinitis in both feet/heels. That explains the broomsticks feeling I was experiencing. We're treating it with inserts in my shoes and stretching exercises. After the last few weeks, I am seeing improvement.
The dietitian... I had to cancel this appointment because my insurance has changed recently and I actually need to consult with the bariatric surgeons office before I move forward. There is a possibility that my insurance now covers the sleeve and a possibility that due to my BMI, the 6 months may not be a requirement.
The Therapist. Wow. I haven't had any formal counseling in the last 15 or so years and forgot what it was like. The very first thing I noticed was how relaxing the atmosphere was designed. Dainty tea settings, the wicker furniture and fountains... This really put me at ease waiting for her to call me in.
When she called me in, I immediately noticed her office was much the same way only even more welcoming than the waiting area. I giggled when I saw the bag of chocolate covered raisins next to her chair. I am not sure why but I found it amusing that they were in the room where we were about to discuss my weight loss surgery. Being the analytical Annie that I am, I kept wondering why they were there. I almost made a game out of it when she stepped out of the office to call my surgeon. These are the reasons I came up with:
1. "I'll keep these chocolate raisins here and see how many patients ask for some." I wouldn't even think of asking for some and if she offers... absolutely not.
2. On my white legal pad, I will tick how many times the patient looked at the bag of chocolate covered raisins. Of course, I made a mental note not to look at them.
3. Maybe she left the room to actually see if I would take them. OMG. actually steal them? Yea I haven't done that since I stole a Reese Peanut Butter cup from a car at a family Christmas celebration. ... This is where I quit obsessing over the bag of raisins sitting next to her.
I didn't see her the full hour due to the changes in my insurance but I did get a lot from the time I did spend with her. First, she demanded that I immediately stop blaming myself and others for the reason I'm fat. She was very matter-of-fact about it. It's called genetics. When I see someone of your size - there is always a genetic factor going on. The truth is you can lose weight on your own but you'll always struggle just because of that genetic reason. WLS is a physical tool to help you get past that. And that is how she wrecked my plans to post about how I remember at my high school graduation I weighed 208 pounds but have to look back in my records to know what my GPA was. The whole I let the number on the scale define my self-worth, success, failures, etc etc etc. Some of you know what I'm talking about... Anyway, that post is still coming but with a different twist. Do I believe her entirely? To a degree. I believe that WLS is a tool and when used properly can give you results in weight reduction. Do I think there are not mental barriers in being successful. Of course not. Do I create most of them on my own. I believe I do. I also believe that the relationship I have with food was passed on generation by generation. in my family. My mother would harp and harp on my to lose weight but never once took the time to teach me how. No one ever said "drink your milk to me because no one in my house liked it either. Eating healthful was defined if you ate a school salad drenched in Ranch Dressing or the pizza that was being served. (10-1 the pizza had less calorie and fat content) Is that blame? Ok. But it's true. Am I or someone responsible every single time I'm hungry or abuse food? Absolutely not. I refuse to believe that physical and mental don't go hand in hand. Fat Genes? Sure. Mind Games? Absolutely. This is her point though. Stop the blame and accept your situation. Quit analyzing why and use the tools to change. There are so many times I've posted an "aha moment" on here only to have it screw with my mind so much bringing up memories that were painful and sending me straight to the fridge. That's my mind allowing me to act on those feelings. You'll see it all over the blog world ... someone on top of the world going straight for the bullseye and *blip* gone. Fortunately some return with an I fell off the wagon post.... quit blaming you, your past, etc. Live today. Work today. Learn today. But most of all Love yourself today for who you are. Take Care.