I'm still here...

I'm sorry for my absence as of late, I've been working on securing this new position at work. I have a final interview tomorrow and should know the answer within a few weeks. (hopefully by mid week next week) I survived Memorial Weekend alone (only for part of it) Hubby came home Sunday morning :) I'm glad he had a good time! I'm glad he's home too. I haven't been putting myself first in the food /weight category. I've been sloppy. I'm OK though. I'm not being destructive but I'm not being strict either. Saturday I went out and got all of my hair cut off, I'm sporting a short cut and people are remarking they didn't know it was me. *batting eyelashes* - I bought three new dress shirts for work and 2 new pair of shoes. One pair of Sandals that are the cutest sandals I've ever owned! And a new purse. I love purses. I spent Saturday night dying my new doo and painting my piggies while I had an evening of poker online and girly flicks all to myself!!! Don't tell my husband, but I hung out with this guy all night long.

Luck Be A Lady Tonight

First and foremost, Thank you all for all your words of inspiration and encouragement from the onset of this blog. I smile with every comment or email.  In just a short time I have made some very special friends that I hold dear to my heart and that is truly awesome. My husband is my number one fan hands down, and I know this week was especially hard for him because I've been doing some real soul searching that has been painful at times for me and painful at times for him to watch me go through. I am stronger because of it and he was right there to hold my hand through it.
I've had a remarkable week that goes beyond staying with in my calorie budget, drinking water, and losing weight.  The soul searching happened without me stuffing my emotions with food. I actually went to a Chinese buffet on Thursday night and stayed within budget and didn't leave feeling stuffed, the poor diet girl who couldn't eat more or anything like that. I stayed in complete control because I'm worth this. I enjoyed my husbands company and didn't worry about the lines of food that our table was close to. I ate what I like, what tasted good and stayed within budget. ... And then Friday came!!! Friday was awesome! Hubby and I planned our evening with take-out and movies. We had a great date night and I stayed within my budget all evening. There were no... celebratory Friday  feasts with food. Today is Saturday, we volunteer once a month and in that there is always a potluck that is involved... no problems here. It isn't about the food it's about people and having a good time. I have no fears about the day that lies ahead of me. There's no mental preparing going on. There's no justifying how to save calories...Food has no priority other than fuel for my body. That is such a good feeling. The even better feeling is I love myself and know it with conviction.

Today, I also play in a Texas Hold Em Tournament and boy are my opponents in trouble! I'm a pretty good player (If I do say so myself) and place top 10  pretty frequently. I've won this same tournament about 7 months ago and I'm placing today. Placed in the Top 5 too many times to count.  I'm going to place high today without even seeing my cards because I'm not going to be side-tracked with food or anything other than I'm here to be a winner.  As long as Lady Luck is on my side, I don't see any reason why I shouldn't walk out of there with First Place.

This brings me back to my collage... After I completed it, I realized there are a lot of things on my collage I don't have to wait to do depending on my weight. I can do most of  them now the only difference is, I can do them more easily as my weight declines. My dreams don't have to wait for the magic number on a scale. I can realize them any time and so can you. Tricia made her first collage too check it out. I've also created a "What's Your Vision" page where you can send me your vision and I'll post it with your site. Take care of you.

Better Said in Pictures

I found a really cool project on Spark People to make your vision a collage of what you aspire ot be or see yourself in 1, 5, and 10 years - the things you can do easier by being healther and thought it would be a really cool visual for keeping me focused. I made mine and gave it it's own page under "My Vision" - I know pretty creative huh? Anyhow, I really liked doing it and I think you might too. The article is under the Feed Your Head page called Vision Collage or here.  I'd love for you to share yours with me too. So, please feel free to email it to me or drop me a comment with a link to your blog. Take care of You.

Ok, I'll save you the click :) (how many calories are burned in a click?)

Click the picture to enlarge... (more calories burned! Woo Hoo)

Detour Ends

I encountered a bit of a detour on Friday betwwn 5p.m.and 5:30 p.m. Hubby picked me up from work but not before I'd sealed my fate that we would be getting take-out and having our traditional Friday Night Date night at home. I had looked at the nutritional values, sealed my decision and met him about 5:08 in the parking lot. We went and picked up dinner, picked up beverages. and got into our comfy clothes and dove into dinner. WTF. I didn't order one thing I intended to eat for dinner. I had completely went on detour and in the back of my mind was blaming my hubby for my decisions. I saw it like a premonition, I acted on it, and I am at fault. I continued to do the same thing all weekend. I had excuse after excuse for eating junk. It was ridiculous really but a few good lessons learned.
Lesson #1:
After weeks of feeling good, I felt like crap all weekend.- I was sluggish, my tummy hurt all day yesterday and I only wanted to sleep. Little things irritated me and I had absolutely no patience for anything all weekend.
Lesson #2:
Not one damned thing tasted better than the fresh fruits and veggies I've been eating. I spent the entire weekend chasing bad choice after bad choice only to never feel satisfied.
Lesson #3:
No matter how much prodding anyone including hubby does, I ultimately responsible for the food I put into my mouth. (I blamed him again. Did you just see that? Uggh.) He never prodded me once to make bad decisions and choices. I made them all on my own. In fact, he stuck to his calorie budget more times than I did this weekend.
Lesson #4: This isn't a one way street without bumps or turns or road blocks. However, I am in control of how I maneuver me.

I have Thursday through Sunday off to spend with my family this weekend. I promise myself I will stay within my calorie range. I can do this no matter what gets thrown at me. Take care of you.

Checking in...

It has been a busy couple of weeks for me. I've been reading but I sure haven't been posting. I've been making small changes in my diet. I've cut out all sugar sodas and have limited my diet soda to about 1 a day no more than 2. I've cut out all white flours except for one lunch last week. and I worked on cutting all sugar out. Today I'm sugar free.  Hubby jumped on board with me this weekend and we're having a lot of fun.  I think we are anyways!  Both of us have never been fish eaters except for what we would catch out of the lake and could buy at Long John Silvers. Oh and that one time I had Scrod in Parchment Paper and it looked liked something I'd have pulled from my neighbors garbage.   Not that  I'm a dumpster diver... Oh and that time I had salmon... I don't like fish particularly.  Anyhow, we've agreed to incorporate more fish in our diet so we're having Tilapia this week. We'll start out with it once a week and gradually move that in place of all the other junk we've been eating.
While I feel like I am a master at knowing the calorie content or something or can calculate the points of a food item,using the WW formula, in my head,  I was finding myself frustrated with my hubby for not reading labels correctly.  (my husband never struggled with his weight like I did)  I would ask him if something had sugar in it and he'd shout back "Yes, 10 Grams" and I'd shout back "NO, read the ingredients."  Then I would explain to him the can of fruit he was looking at had "natural" sugars in it from the fruit. - Shout out to Dr. Atkins.  He got frustrated when he bought low fat mayo instead of no fat mayo. And I said to him, "Honey, its about the choices we make. This jar is low-fat and by far better than the last 45 jars of regular mayo we've brought into the house over the years. It's a change. We'll make small changes and we'll get lasting results."  And it was in that moment that I realized I had flipped my switch. The old me would have sent him back to the store to get the fat free. The old me was ALL or NOTHING.  Nothing got me to over 400 pounds. I always believed that perfection meant being succesful at winning this battle. You don't need perfection, because you'll always fail. Small changes + Better Choices = Results. 

On another note, I'm missing out on my husbands Memorial day weekend get away that we've avoided for the last 2 years because of other obligations my weight.  I can't physically do the weekend - walking to the bathrooms, sitting in lawn chairs, the heat... and the list goes on. Hubby is going this year and it pisses me off I'm not going. I'm pissed off enough to know I'm going to be there next year, walking to the bathrooms, sitting in lawn chairs, playing frisbee, disc golf, and maybe even swimming when it's hot. Anyone  want to make a bet?