Don't Judge a Post By The Title...

The scales and I have not spoke since Friday. I wanted to visit with her this morning but I was running late. It's rather ironic that I would turn to her to assess my damage. I don't trust the bitch when I do good. Why would I trust her when I waiver a bit? I need to own my journey. I need to speak up and quit allowing others to help guide my journey. There is not one food that passes a person's lips that taste as good as success does.  At times, I feel like I'm stuck with no voice. No ability to say "No" I won't eat that. Sometimes I feel like I have the winning numbers to a Million Dollar jackpot, when it comes to losing this weight, but feel I don't deserve to win so I sabotage it. I burn the ticket.

Friends, those statements are about value. They're about how much you value yourself to keep going forward in your journey.  Time and time again you read that it doesn't stop when you hit the magic number on the scale. It doesn't stop when you naturally drink tons and tons of water a day. It doesn't stop when you work out 3-5 times a week.  It's all of these things combined and more that create your healthy lifestyle. You can't expect to hit home runs if your feet never touch second and/or third base. You don't have to do it all at once but start out slow. Right now, I'm focusing on taking all of the value I put in food and putting more value in me. I need a clear head to move forward. I must be getting better because my mind says pretty nice things to me lately.  It's also reminding me that I need to put exercise into this journey... rather taunting me right now, however my mind has started to revel on how fast my body will adapt to exercise and become stronger as each day goes by. It's all of those little things I can't do now that exercise will cause me to start doing again. Watching it happen will be the measuring tool. I have just little over a year to reach the goal of going to Memorial Day 2011. That's a mere 365 days. I will not be sitting here posting a year from now at 400 pounds. It's not going to happen. I refuse to let it happen because I do own my journey. Are you owning yours?

Checking in...

It has been a busy couple of weeks for me. I've been reading but I sure haven't been posting. I've been making small changes in my diet. I've cut out all sugar sodas and have limited my diet soda to about 1 a day no more than 2. I've cut out all white flours except for one lunch last week. and I worked on cutting all sugar out. Today I'm sugar free.  Hubby jumped on board with me this weekend and we're having a lot of fun.  I think we are anyways!  Both of us have never been fish eaters except for what we would catch out of the lake and could buy at Long John Silvers. Oh and that one time I had Scrod in Parchment Paper and it looked liked something I'd have pulled from my neighbors garbage.   Not that  I'm a dumpster diver... Oh and that time I had salmon... I don't like fish particularly.  Anyhow, we've agreed to incorporate more fish in our diet so we're having Tilapia this week. We'll start out with it once a week and gradually move that in place of all the other junk we've been eating.
While I feel like I am a master at knowing the calorie content or something or can calculate the points of a food item,using the WW formula, in my head,  I was finding myself frustrated with my hubby for not reading labels correctly.  (my husband never struggled with his weight like I did)  I would ask him if something had sugar in it and he'd shout back "Yes, 10 Grams" and I'd shout back "NO, read the ingredients."  Then I would explain to him the can of fruit he was looking at had "natural" sugars in it from the fruit. - Shout out to Dr. Atkins.  He got frustrated when he bought low fat mayo instead of no fat mayo. And I said to him, "Honey, its about the choices we make. This jar is low-fat and by far better than the last 45 jars of regular mayo we've brought into the house over the years. It's a change. We'll make small changes and we'll get lasting results."  And it was in that moment that I realized I had flipped my switch. The old me would have sent him back to the store to get the fat free. The old me was ALL or NOTHING.  Nothing got me to over 400 pounds. I always believed that perfection meant being succesful at winning this battle. You don't need perfection, because you'll always fail. Small changes + Better Choices = Results. 

On another note, I'm missing out on my husbands Memorial day weekend get away that we've avoided for the last 2 years because of other obligations my weight.  I can't physically do the weekend - walking to the bathrooms, sitting in lawn chairs, the heat... and the list goes on. Hubby is going this year and it pisses me off I'm not going. I'm pissed off enough to know I'm going to be there next year, walking to the bathrooms, sitting in lawn chairs, playing frisbee, disc golf, and maybe even swimming when it's hot. Anyone  want to make a bet?