I'm No Daisy

Last night was the end of semester for the class I teach. My student kept her word and brought me the resistance bands and Isometric exercises. The guy who's a trainer in my class looked at them and gve me his nod of approval.  She even did up a schedule for me to follow to keep focused.  Additionally, she wants me to keep her updated with anything I need from new bands to more workouts to even writing my schedule. My eyes were pretty teary when I thanked her. I first sought out teaching for a community college when I myself had went back to school for my Masters. I was doing a module on values and examining who I was when I realized that the happiest times in my life were when I was training for the bank I worked with. I knew I had to get back into the classroom and realize my passion.  I didn't want it to be my full time "job" I just wanted it to feed my passion. That was four or so years ago. I still have that passion for empowering people and watching them grow ... and this semester I was surrounded by angels that reached out to help me grow (no pun intended) in this journey. 

I'm doing a lot of soul searching this week, I'm paying attention to my thoughts and self-talk and I'm making corrections where I sense any negativity.  I am spending a lot of time forgiving myself and searching my soul for the reasons I need to lose this weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not getting off this flight, I am just concentrating on the future instead of the past. A few weeks ago, my mother and I had an argument over my WLS and why I wasn't trudging full balls ahead to have it done.  I tried to share my fears, my reasons etc with her and it only produced an argument that was similar to the one I had last year with her.  Fortunately, this time it just ended with both of us crying and agreeing to disagree. And then Monday, I received a letter in the mail from her. In that letter, my mother had a purpose and message for me and it's one I have never expereienced coming from her. I could tell by her words that she had done a lot soul searching.
She finally understands and honors my feelings. She has quit using my weight to judge me as a person. She accepts me for who I am and has quit blaming me for things that have happened in her past.  She has quit blaming herself for my weight problems. She has quit defining my success by the number on my scale.  She said, and I quote, " i have lived in my own selfish world for too long".  She acknowledged my achievements and how proud she is of me and she loves me. Obviously, from what little I've wrote there is a long history here of bitterness, resentment, pain, emotions etc. but today I feel free. I feel free to feel and to be me. I feel like I can quit judging myself and holding myself to my mother's standards instead of my own. It's a very strange feeling that seems very unusual and surreal and all at the same time. I don't want the WLS because I have fought this battle my entire life and I refuse to let it win by having surgery to fight it off. I am strong enough to do this on my own without making major sacrifices and taking serious chances.  Some may think not taking the option or letting it be my tool to help is like me taking taking a plastic knife to a gun fight. I don't care. It's my decision.
It's a beautiful day here today.  Take care of you.

Extra cool points if you can name the movie my title was inspired by.

Coke and I Have Officially Broken Up

I had two very exciting things happen to me yesterday that I wanted to share. But before I do... you're not getting weigh in results until I do!.  I'm not happy with the accuracy of that scale I have at all and now the batteries have went dead so I'm wondering if it was a battery issue all along.. Who knows.  My promise to have a good, clean weekend, didn't happen. I had good days but not the type of weekend, I want to come back here and yell, see! I can do this on the weekend too. I am learning from them and I'm conscious about them so I know where changes need to be made. I will be fixing this issue. It might be by taking the weekend one hour at a time. But this will be conquered. Notice, I didn't blame the hubby once!.  Improvements, some are small but I'll take 'em.

I am really into no fat yogurt, frozen blueberries topped with low fat granola for breakfast. Would you believe I had never had a yogurt parfait from McDonald's in my life until 3 or 4 weeks ago? And I here I thought I had covered all my bases. I loved it. Now I'm all into checking out my own fruit combinations and making my own granolas... weird.

So Where or Where do I start? You know how you have a craving for something and you just have to have it? The thought consumes you. Well, yesterday I was drying of thirst. I had run out of my ice water, had 30 minutes before I had to leave work to go teach and I just wanted to quench my thirst. I looked in the fridge under my desk I share with my team and there is a bottle of Coke unopened. Frigging smiling at me. I swear. It was. Coke and I go way back... It was the soda that my uncle always had and we, meaning kids, could not. So every chance we got to drink Coke, you bet we did. Anyhow... It wasn't my Coke. It was my neighbors and I yelled over to her and said can I buy this coke from you? And she replies with, Sure, you can just have it. So I reach into my purse to give her a buck twenty five and she says, "I thought you don't drink that crap anymore". Boom. Without hesitation, without a thought of regret, wihout any remorse, I responded back with, "You're right, I don't." and I put my purse away. And I was fine. Thirsty, but fine. When I left work to go teach, I stopped and bought a Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi that was so ice cold from the cooler, you could see the frost. And it was divine.  The cooler thing, when I changed my mind about having that Coke, it was too natural. Too natural in a good way. It's hard to explain but it was done without feeling sorry for myself or regretting not having that Coke. It was a proud moment of you're right, I don't drink that crap anymore.

Next!

I went to class and I have a student that has been researching workouts for me to do (he is a trainer at a fitness club) and suggested I start with Isometrics.  Another student just happened to overhear us, said that she works with bariatric patients in a rehabiliation center and would bring me FREE resistance bands.
On my drive home tonight I thought how lucky I was to have these people placed in my life at the exact time I needed them, when my eyes were open to changing my habits and changing my lifestyle. 

Are you paying attention to what or who is around you? You might be surprised who or what is waiting for you to notice. Take care of you.