Through several weeks of reflection, I've come to some conclusions about my weight loss journey. I will not be successful hiding. I will not be successful being a facade that you know me to be as the 411 Gurl and I will not be successful thinking of myself as the 411 Gurl. Here is me. This is who I am... and its just the start. Those that read and/or follow me, I need you more than ever. Please don't think that I've done a disservice to you as the only disservice I've done is to myself. Hiding behind the name of 411 Gurl is not what I want or who I want to define myself... Today is the beginning of my transformation. Continue with me with my new post ...
My name is Mary and I started my journey at 419 pounds. As I write this I'm less than a few months from having weight loss surgery (WLS). I had considered WLS for over 3 years. Out of fear, I put the procedure off. It was January 2011 that I could no longer function as a normal person. Every step felt like walking with broomsticks shoved through my ankles up to my knees. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and short walks from my backdoor to the car left me short of breath. I had convinced myself that I wouldn't be alive in six months.
I'm having the sleeve done. In a nutshell, the sleeve procedure generates weight loss by restricting the amount of food (and therefore calories) that can be eaten by removing 85% or more of the stomach without bypassing the intestines or causing any gastrointestinal malabsorption. It is a purely restrictive operation. It is currently indicated as an alternative to the Lap-Band® procedure for low weight individuals and as a safe option for higher weight individuals. I can expect to lose at least 50% of my excess body fat within the first year. Additionally, my surgeon will be removing my hunger hormone.
WLS is not the answer to weight loss, it is a tool to aid in the loss of excess body fat. I must still focus on healthy eating and exercise. Most importantly, WLS doesn't fix my way of thinking about food and the way I've been programmed for over 41 years. FACT: a significant amount of weight loss surgery patients will regain their weight 2-5 years post surgery. This is why I must fix my thinking and focus on healthy thinking and eating. There is no surgery that can fix my thinking or my lessons I've learned over the years.
I came from a an alcoholic father and an obese mother that taught me poor eating habits by rewarding me with food, putting rules on food and constant daily reminders of how fat I was. Out of love, I was rewarded with food. Out of pain and guilt of having an alcoholic father, I was soothed with food and out of pure ignorance of healthy eating, I learned that meat and potatoes were the beginning of every meal... I don't blame her as she knew no better, and I'm working through the anger and emptiness a young girl is left with when a father is an alcoholic. I was never taught the proper tools for coping with emotions other than food and I'm eager to learn the new tools to make my new lease on life a success.
Please don't mistake this for the blame game. I am morbidly obese for several reasons. Through therapy, I've learned that I'm fat because I have the fat gene... I come from an obese family. I learned unhealthy eating habits from an early age and was not surrounded by people who knew how to eat healthy. I never learned coping skills other than to stuff feelings with food. Most importantly, I've learned that my cup has been spilled completely empty. Without a full cup I am nothing... Read my blog to learn what I mean by an empty cup. I promise as you join me you'll want to fill your cup as eagerly as I want to fill mine. Join me on my journey. Nothing would please me more than to bring you with me and help you find your answer to beating the monster we call FAT.
I will no longer be posting here. Please follow and join me here at Until My Cup Runneth Over... I look forward to your visits and your comments.