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May 10, 2010

Feed Your Head - Mental Health Will Drive You Mad!

I am in a serious funk. I had a lot of "screw it" moments this weekend. I didn't meet any of my goals. Some of them, I didn't even try to meet. I'd think about them and I'd be "blah to goals". . I know how to diet. I know how to eat well. I don't know how to shape my mind though.  Folks, it's messed up. I'm working on it though. Seriously, I am. I struggle with having to be honest here and admit I blow it.  I contemplating leaving the whole blog world. I didn't want to share my story anymore.  Who wants to read about a failure? They'll unfollow... and in that thinking, I realized something. I worry too damned much about what other people think. ALL THE TIME.  Don't get me wrong, I love comments and when I get followers but I have to remember that I didn't sign up to entertain people.  I did this to hold me accountable and in the short time I"ve been writing I"m learning so much about me.  So, I won't be going away anytime soon. Another thing I discovered is I spend too much time worrying about my past. I've let my past shape my future a lot and I think I need to shape my future and let go of all these memories - I blame myself for so much and guilt myself for things I had no control over. My thoughts are so powerful and irrational at the same time... a perfect example is this past weekend marked my first husbands death 6 years ago.  He died on May 8 and on Mothers Day so Saturday sucked and Sunday sucked - it's like I got whammied twice in one year. I have blamed myself for years that "I couldn't save him" (He died of cardiac arrest and had been in kidney failure on dialysis for 3 years) but why am I blaming myself? It isn't my fault he was diabetic and chose to not take care of himself. It was his. I think it's OK to mourn my loss but I didn't have complete control of his destiny. I need to forgive myself for even thinking that way and move on. I"m sorry if this post is all over the place I just have a whole lot running around in my head... and I'm going to work on my mind set of this whole eating thing and let the food and stuff come second. If I'm not in the right frame of mind, this will only be temporary and once I get to my destination I want it to be a one way ticket. The ticket might have some lay-overs but I"m not returning to this body. 

In order to do this, I'm going to start doing the Mind Over Body 10 Step Plan over at Spark People.  You can see the full series here.  In summary, the plan looks like this:

Mind Over Body

10 Steps to Achieve a Healthy Lifestyle

Put the “I” in Your Weight Loss Plan. Learn how knowing the answer to one simple question can improve your chances for success by up to 100%.

Take the stress out of weighing in. Is your scale making you crazy? Read about three things you can do to take the stress out of your weigh-ins.

Tame your " toxic guilt" before it wipes out your will power . Learn how to exercise your healthy lifestyle conscience and avoid those bad feelings that send you running to the refrigerator every time you slip up.

Tame your Emotional Eating Beast . Find out how to inoculate yourself against emotional distress before it leads to mindless eating.

Take the mystery out of staying motivated. Take steps to become your own best motivator, and put the problem of disappearing motivation behind you for good.

Write your vision statement. Learn why a good vision statement is crucial to success, and what you’ll want to include in yours.

Plot your strategy. Read about setting effective lifestyle goals and finding strategies that work.

Give yourself a reality check-up. Make sure your own beliefs aren’t getting in your way.

Pave the way for persistence. Organize your personal world so that it keeps you going when the going gets tough.

Learn from yourself. These important tips explain how you can let your own experience help you create the plan that will work best for you.
I invite any of you to join me - I have no doubt that only something positive can from these exercises. Please share your experiences in the comments below as you do it or if you have already done these steps! Take care of you.


  1. Good for you to process through these challenging issues. Denial and eating are common ways for me to deal with these things, but we both know that doesn't at all help us.

    Hang in there, gurl and do your best today. Though we don't all know each other in real life, please know that I am thinking about you right now and praying for you.

    Big Clyde

  2. Aww sorry to hear about the past tragedy associated with this weekend. :(

    You are talking through things and confronting your attitudes and weaknesses and that is a very important part of healing and growing. I know you can keep moving forward!

    Work those 10 steps. You are making headway. ((hugs))

  3. Hey girl. I'm glad you're not giving up. You deserve to be healthy...physically and mentally. And you're right, this isn't an instrument to entertain other people but to get to know the real you. A lot comes out in writing that you aren't able to say out loud. Well, for me anyway. Sometimes my fingers type something and I think "man, I wasn't even thinking that." It's crazy, but it works. Use the tools available to you and don't let a setbeck hold you back anymore. We're moving forward.

  4. Wow that was powerful.... thanks for sharing that... I have just started my flight a week into ... I am trying...

    thanks for shareing