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May 11, 2010

What Do You Believe and Who Told You To?

I had a very successful day yesterday. I stayed within my calorie range, felt revived and ready to hit this thing full force. I was reading an article about stopping negative thinking - the author was discussing that there are dozens of deep psychological reasons why individuals get caught up in negativity and reminds us that we don't have to know WHY we do it but to just STOP doing it. I've added a new page that is called Feed Your Head. I'll be adding articles that I run across that are helpful to me in this journey.  Maybe you'll run into something there that can help you.  After all we're all in this together. So many of you have reached out and offered your support. Tricia wrote about blogs she likes to read and included mine in her post and my followers tripled. It is really cool to get followers and I love comments so don't hesitate to give me a shout out. Additionally, I found some more really cool blogs to read and I added them to the list.

Another thing that happened yesterday was I ran into Jack's post which led me to this guy named Sam.  Before I talk more about Sam, a co-worker brought me a picture of me from when I was 14 or 15 years old (we used to hang out in school) I looked at me and really liked me. My face was thin, I could see me cheek bones and I had the most obnoxious wide-ass smile I could imagine.  I showed some of the other girls I work with and one said something that punched me right in the gut.  "You don't smile like that anymore." Yep, I don't. Sure, I can cut up with anyone and poke a joke to get a laugh, but it's not the same ...Hell, I even noticed my face getting smaller in the mirror because my frown lines were more prominent. But back to Sam, he declared that he had an epiphany and would share with his readers tomorrow and by golly he did. And he couldn't be more spot on when he says that he values himself based on his weight. I read that and was just in awe that Yes. I do that too.  I'm not trying to steal any lime light away from Sam at all but I do recognize that he may have shed some light on my own thoughts and I'm going to be exploring those - I wrote the other day about getting a letter from my mom and how there had been some resolve between us. She wrote about how proud of me she was and this meant a lot to me - it always has as she's never been one to recognize anything about me rather than my weight and how fat I am and how much I've lost and if I'm really trying to lose weight.  We've even had arguments about whether a banana should ever be eaten because don't you know? They are one of the worst fruits ever to eat? ... blah blah blah. I learned to place value on myself based on how much I weighed from the way my mother placed value on me. Today and from now on, I will teach myself to reverse those lessons. I am valuable because I am a loving wife and step mother, a provider, educated person with a Master's degree, a teacher, cancer survivor, caring, funny, loving, dedicated, insightful, analytical, honest, accomplished, dedicated, committed, self-improved woman that is worth every step in this journey.

I definitely ran into something that helped me. Thank you, Sam.


  1. I am glad that my post made some impact for you... It is a tough journey to undertake, and most of the time it is our mind that is the biggest adversary. It makes my heart happy to know you!

  2. Yay, I'm glad that list brought you some new readers :)

    I've always felt less than stellar due to my own weight issues. I feel like I hate everything about me when I look in the mirror, so what value could I have to anyone else if I have so little for myself? It's a rough realization. I'm slowly dealing with it and I feel as lost as ever sometimes. But we'll get through it, girlie.

  3. I love those last few lines. When your list of values and titles (cancer survivor) is something that someone else would aspire to be, that makes you pretty blessed in my book.