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May 20, 2010

I'ts My Party and You Can Lie if You Want To

Hi there! Long time no chat. I realized the other night I broke a habit! I didn't log on here Monday and tell you what a crappy job I had done this weekend. You know why? Because I did not have a crappy weekend. I had a marvelous weekend where everything on this journey was kept in check. I had the i's dotted and my t's crossed. So where have I been?
It's been a busy week. I've been working late and spending the evening with hubby and working on writing my vision statement. Right now, I'm just making the list of reasons that are important to me. In making this list, I noticed that a lot of sentences ended with or contained the word again. AGAIN.
As I wrote out memories of things I can no longer do and wish to do, I stopped and reflected how many times, I would continue to choose food and abandon the things I love to do only to eventually be physically unable to do them. I reflected on how many diets I've policed myself on where I would tell myself or obsess my thoughts with "I can never have a french fry (insert food name here) again." AGAIN.

This time around things are truly different for me. I have not policed myself over specific foods and only monitored my calorie budget for the day. I don't obsess over my water intake and have noticed it becoming just a habit to keep chugging away. I've even had 2 dreams in the last week about little punch glasses filled with ice chips and water and how they were inviting me to drink them. (I know weird... but nonetheless.)
I walked in from that last poker tournament and realized that this is the 2nd tournament (they're held once a month) I've been to on this journey and while I've had detours, more in the beginning than the present, not once did I have an "I'll start again Monday" moment or "Might as well eat the rest of the day".  That's not to say I won't have more detours, they very well could happen but my mind is a different place now and I just have a destination to get to. I can't even feel the detour close to me because I've taken away so much of the value I gave food in the past that it just seems kind of foreign to me. Often times, my diets wouldn't last past lunch time on Monday morning that first day or never start because (insert excuse here).  It's exciting to see my consistency and determination and even more exciting to realize my motivation and determination are stronger today than day one of this journey. 

I weighed myself today because I just couldn't wait until tomorrow morning and I was not happy at all. It showed a 4.4 gain. For a split second the thoughts started creeping in and I shoved them out of my head like the pipe that sucked Augustus Gloop out of The Chocolate River (Say Hi to the Oompa Loompa's for me). "This scale is only a tool" I kept telling myself. "Give yourself one good reason why the scale says that" ... Did you go over? Have you been getting enough fluids that moment I couldn't come up with one good reason. So I bailed. I abandoned that scale and told it "Too bad for You. I have other Celebrations - maybe next time you won't be a Debbie Downer and come to my party; but it's my party and you can lie if you want to!"

My other non-scale victories are:

I wrote in my food journal every day.
I made several smarter choices when put on the spot and don't regret one thing I've put in my mouth for several several days.
I am preferring water over other beverages.
I"m continuing the Mind Body exercises and growing daily from them.
I put a bra on the other day that I used to avoid wearing because it's too tight. Now my girls are happy too :) (Did I just say that?)
I'm smiling more.
Food is Powerless over me.

What are your non-scale victories this week? Take care of you.

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